Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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