Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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