You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
