Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
