Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He better not be in your backpack
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
