you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
