Barsexuality is the new black.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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