What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
