I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
