Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
