he puts the penis in happiness.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
