I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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