So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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