Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
