Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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