just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
