she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
