Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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