currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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