How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
