I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Bring me that man meat
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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