Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
