I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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