just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
