Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
