I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
