Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
