I am puke
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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