no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize