I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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