I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
