the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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