Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
