i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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