im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
