You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
