My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
