I cockslap morals
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
