Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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