Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize