Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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