You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
