The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
