Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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