she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
