Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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