Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
