I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize