the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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