I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
