So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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