Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
