and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
