so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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