How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
