i think i have herpe
just one?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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