My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
