Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my poor anus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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