I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
