maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
