How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
