hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize