The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
