i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
