I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
