Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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