Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I understand Curling. That high.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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