I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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