i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
